MARRIAGE : what you must know before getting married



Sharing your life with someone else is a fabulous human experience. How?

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The Right and Wrong Reasons to Get Married
By Sheri Stritof
Updated 04/13/18

With the divorce rate as high as it is, you want to give your union the best chance of surviving for the long haul. Therefore, if you are considering marriage, make sure you are getting married for the "right" reasons and not for "wrong" ones and with the "right" partner. It seems many have doubts right up to their planned wedding day yet go through with it anyway.

    "If you take 10 divorced women and ask them whether they believed on their wedding day that they were marrying the right guy for the right reasons, seven of them would say yes and three will confess they had serious doubts long before walking down the aisle. That's the shocking truth for 30% of divorced women."   

Hearing statistics like that sound shocking in this day and age. We choose whom to marry, yet many people in retrospect knew they should not get married prior to their wedding day. Don't become a statistic like this one!

Wrong Reasons to Get Married :

    You feel too guilty or ashamed to back out when plagued with doubt.
    You are willing to gamble on your future spouse changing or having potential.
    Want to be free from parents.
    To have sex.
    To ease loneliness.
    To be happy.
    To show you are an adult.
    Because of a pregnancy.
    Just because he or she loves you.
    To save, rescue or help someone.
    Because you want a baby.
    For money.
    Because all your friends are married.
    You've always wanted a fancy wedding. or to wear the fancy dress.
    Out of fear that no one else will want to marry you.
    You think you are running out of time to get married.
    To have someone to "complete" you.
    For immigration purposes.
    You are tired of being single.
    Someone is pressuring you into getting married.
    You don't want people gossiping about the two of you living together.
    To get health or insurance benefits from the spouse's employer.

Right Reasons to Get Married :

    You are in love with one another.
    A desire to share your life with another.
    To have a lifetime companion.
    You both have realistic expectations and shared goals.
    You would feel comfortable doing premarital counseling to make certain this is the right choice.
    You want to feel connected with a person you love and to grow with that person emotionally.
    Willingness to be there for one another while you each fulfill your own needs and dreams.
    You both do not have blinders on and have spent enough time together to know it's the right choice.

Assessing Your Reasons for Getting Married

The best time to take a hard look at your motivations for wanting to get married is before you have given your answer to a proposal or made a marriage proposal. If you find yourself contemplating marriage with the person you are dating or living with, stop and ask yourself why. Cold feet might amount to nothing, but it may also be that you need to take a serious look at this critical decision you are making in your life.

If you have already made the proposal or accepted one, you owe it to your betrothed to analyze your motivation and have that person do likewise. It may feel traumatic calling off the engagement, but it at least can be done without the legal hassle and expense of a divorce.

Set aside a time to make up your list of reasons for wanting to get married and compare them with the two lists above.

You may identify with items on both lists. It can help if you assign each a number from one to five and see which reasons outweigh the others. If all of your reasons fall on the wrong side, that is a clear indication that the time is not right. A longer period of engagement or time spent dating might be the right course of action.


Source :
The Marriage Effect: How Being Married Makes You Happier & How to Keep It That Way


Study after study shows that being married not only results in more frequent and better quality sexual experiences, it also helps us sleep better and have significantly better mental and physical health.

That doesn’t mean marriage can’t be hard sometimes. A good marriage makes you happier but a bad marriage, as we all know, can have an equally profound negative effect on different areas of your life.

This is one of the reasons we celebrate, encourage and model what happy marriages look like. Because we don’t just want you to become a member of the club. We want you to remain a member for years to come.

If you are wondering how marriage makes you happier, beyond the obvious things we know and see every day, here is one fun side-effect of marriage:

Holding your husband’s hand relieves pain.

A study at the University of Virginia studied brain scans that showed that wives holding their husband’s hand reduced the appearance of stress and had calmed the same regions of the brain that an analgesic drug does (think Tylenol or Advil).

Great excuse to hold hands right now, right?

Overall, being married still has a huge impact on your happiness.

I know you can feel that every day, but scientifically, studies also show that for the average person, the quality of their marriage is the factor with the second highest correlation with their life satisfaction (behind genetics) – so finding ways to be happy in your marriage will affect your entire life.

Want to stay married and stay happy?

Go Double D: Date Nights & Deep Conversations

These two simple things will increase both your happiness levels and your marriage satisfaction.

It has been proven over and over again that couples that have new experiences together release the same chemicals in their bodies they had when they were dating – bringing back that newlywed feeling.

This does not have to be complicated. Even if it’s just going to the new burger place around the corner, trying new things will gradually increase both your set point for happiness and your level of satisfaction in your marriage.

Think of easy, doable things as simple as going to a different grocery store or driving back home a different way – whatever you ARE doing right now, see how you can tweak it to add some novelty to it. And I always recommend starting small vs. not starting at all.

Having deep conversations is also important because time after time we see that couples that have intimate knowledge of each other’s lives feel happier, more connected and stay married.

The latest research is not only about couples, but in general – small talk was compared to deep intimate conversations and people who engaged in the deeper conversations reported much higher levels of happiness.


Author's page :
Some of the Best and Worst Countries For Any Male To Find Women for a date


As the saying goes “the grass is always greener on the other side”. As a white man you may think that there are hotter women in other parts of the world but before you waste money on a ticket and go globetrotting in search of the perfect women for you, here are some things you should know how women around the world look at white men.
Here are 8 best and worst countries for a white male when it comes to meeting women.


The Best of All – Ukraine
Ukraine has always found itself on top of any list of beautiful women. The women are less emotional and very rational. Presenting yourself as an expat planning to settle in Ukraine makes your chances high of getting into a relationship with a Ukrainian woman. But!! Mind you Ukraine women like a man with intelligence and culture so be on your best behavior.

Ukrainian Woman

Best – Taiwan
Taiwanese women like white men and you will see quite a number of them with western males. Taiwanese tradition dictates that the women live with her husband’s family after marriage which is why there are big chances to get a Taiwanese woman who would be willing to marry you and return to your country.

Taiwanese women

Best – Iceland
Iceland has some of the most beautiful women in the world and of course, there are always more women than men. And because of a small dating market, there are many dating sites catering to Icelandic women. The women there are broad-minded and liberal which would make an ideal choice for you.

Icelandic women

Best – Indonesia
Indonesia is a good country for white males to find women. Indonesian women are modest but wild which is ideal when trying to marry a white man. English is widely spoken in Indonesia which solves communication. Indonesian women like strong men and lean more towards white males but don’t forget if you want to marry an Indonesian you also have to charm their family as well and as per the culture the man pays for everything.

Indonesian women

Best – Aruba
A beautiful Island with gorgeous women who are focused on immigrating to western countries. It is an advantage to speak Spanish because you get women of different Latin American origin here. Tourism is booming here and there are plenty of chances to meet women but be careful of falling into a tourist trap (aka prostitute).

Aruba girls

Best – The Philippines
The Philippines is one of the easiest places to find women willing to date and marry white men because almost every Philippine woman wants to do so to get away to the states or a western country. Philippine women are homely, kind, hospitable and family oriented so they definitely make good wives. Just ensure you respect her family.

Philippine women

Best – Brazil
Brazilians are beauty queens and incredibly hot but you get all types of Brazilian women. Brazilian women are beautiful on the outside and inside too and they could be just what you’re looking for. There is a healthy dating culture and many white males find themselves returning to Brazil year after year. A Brazilian woman makes a good wife who will take care of you.

Brazilian girl

Best – Bulgaria
Bulgarian women are beautiful and hot. They are known for their beautiful dark hair and being slightly mysterious. Although Bulgarians aren’t too keen on dating westerners, there is still a lot who will. Your prospects of getting a beautiful wife from Bulgaria are high.

Bulgarian women

The Worst of All – Thailand

Places like Bangkok (full of go-go bars) don’t necessarily make Thailand a great place for women, and you may end up heartbroken (like for 99.99999 % of other men before you).
They are of course beautiful, slender body, long dark hairs, but they will always look for a white guy to marry (or have a baby) just so they can get out of debt and out of their crappy country, but will never show any love or affection for anyone. (Most of) Thai women have a mindset of prostitute, trying to get the most of financial benefits from their body.
This attitude is mostly prevalent in touristic areas (90% of the country), sparing the less touristic remote areas in the North.

Thailand is only famous for its cheap life, sex tourism, local junk food (full of additives), scenery, slow paced smiling and friendly people but nothing else.
Thai buddhist culture is filled with selfishness and cold-hearted people (culture of the self alone), even if they are smiling and friendly all day long.
Love, affection, compassion, romance, passion, kindness, generosity, partage, complicity, tendresse ... are totally unknown in Thailand.
Instead : greed, cupidity, lies, cheats, thievery, indifference, stinginess, bullheadedness,... are very well known, hidden behind their smiles.

It has been reported that many white guys (more than 95%) have married Thai women only to return broke in heart and in pocket because you end up taking care of her and her family, solving credits, buying land, home, car, ... to divorce sooner or later. When your money runs out, you get the boot. OUT !
Thai women have also a reputation of weird wives - in fact, they are the least reliable among all brides in the third world countries. The most common complaints are the difference in culture and upbringing, which makes talking and living with them an ultra boring process.

Having sex with a Thai woman will also be the most boring experience you'll ever have (I lived 20 years in Thailand). Only prostitutes with past experiences with white men will perform slightly better.

In addition, most potential suitors are looking for women with a maternal instinct, and the Thai in this respect are losing: they mainly take care of their appearance and themselves, but completely forget about the upbringing of children and care of the house (Thais are absolutely not concerned by tidiness). As a result, the percentage of divorces is extremely high (90% and up).
In Thailand you will always give but will never receive anything from Thais (apart from smiles), it is a one-way selfish culture.
Amazing Thailand as they say !

Don't get involved with Thai women, they are the No1 to avoid from the whole world.
See our topic about Thailand >> HERE <<

Thai women

Using data from and The Richest, Statista has totted up the highest percentage of married adults who admit to being having an affair.
Source :

1. Thailand
2. Denmark
3. Germany
4. Italy
5. France
6. Belgium
7. Norway
8. Spain
9. Finland
10. UK

Thailand tops the list without any surprise !

neeeeext .........

Worst – The United States
This may seem weird but though American women are the hottest in the world but America isn’t exactly a friendly place for expats right now so if you are a white man from another country, your chances of hooking up are slim. Just as you get all kinds, you get gold diggers and dating scammers in America too, so always be careful especially if you’re looking for something long term.

American girl

Worst – Vietnam
Vietnam women are really hot and beautiful but they are also very traditional but you need to find out if she speaks English well and has a curfew because even adult women will have a curfew if they live at home but if a woman speak English really well, then it means she’s been dating a lot of white guys and would be ok for a short-term relationship. Tread carefully when it comes to women from Vietnam.

Vietnam Girl

Worst – Russia
Russian women are hotness personified but dating scams are huge in Russia, so much there is a warning on the websites of the Russian and US embassy about them ! In most cases, profile pictures even though utterly beautiful may actually be true but then that’s how you get scammed. On the other hand, you could get a Russian woman to marry but the risk of a scam is greater.

Russian women

Worst – Egypt
Although Egyptian women are undoubtedly beautiful; the scam culture here is as bad as some countries but one awful thing about Egyptian women is the fact that a majority of them are circumcised even though it is considered illegal and to sum it up from the mouth of an Egyptian male, “women here lie like boards”. Egyptian men themselves prefer western women.

Egyptian women

Worst – China
Forget about Chinese women if you are looking to date one. Chinese women are strongly embedded into Chinese culture and prefer Chinese men only. Moreover, most of the women marry before 27 because in China if you aren’t married by then, you are considered an old leftover maid.

Chinese women

Worst – Qatar
Qatar women may look good but it’s the worst dating scene in the world. Qatar has an influx of thousands of expats due to business and industry so there is a very weird proportion of males to women like 1.5 million to 450,000 so if you are willing to jostle and accept the competition, then by all means look for a Qatar women, your chances are slim.

Qatar women

Worst – Saudi Arabia
Dating in Saudi America among countries for white males is a nightmare. Regardless of the pretty women there, the laws of the land make it virtually impossible of dating Saudi women. Unless you are contemplating marriage, don’t bother about looking for a date you won’t get one. And a word of caution because sleeping with a woman outside marriage is illegal and so is adultery, so never do anything foolish in Saudi Arabia, if you’re hooked on its women, do things the right way and be prepared for marriage or better go home.

Saudi woman



Positive And Negative Effects Of Marriage On Health
April 5th, 2017

There is an intricate connection between marriage and physical health. Depending on whether you are happily married or unhappily married, the effects will be positive or negative accordingly. Numerous studies have been conducted along these lines, and the scientific findings have been very revealing and surprising in some instances. These findings confirm to a large extent what we all know instinctively at a gut-level: when you are in a good and happy relationship it is good for your general health and wellbeing. And of course the opposite is also true. The key factor is the quality of your relationship.

Positive health benefits of a thriving marriage

1. General health

Both men and women who are happily married show signs of better general health than those who are not married, or are widowed or divorced. This can be due to a number of reasons, such as being more careful with diet and exercise, and holding one another accountable. Also, a spouse can notice if you are not yourself or not feeling well and get you to the doctor for a timely check up, thus preventing health issues from becoming more serious. In a thriving marriage, partners look out for each other and help each other to stay healthy physically.

2. Less risky behaviors

 Married people tend to think twice before engaging in risky behaviors. Now that you have a spouse, and possibly children, to care and provide for, you need to be more careful and responsible. Bad habits like smoking and excessive drinking or reckless driving are sometimes abandoned for the sake of a loving spouse who encourages his or her partner to strive to be the best that they can be.

3. Longevity

Due to the better general health and better lifestyle choices, it is understandable that the longevity of happily married couples is longer than those who are either unhappily married or single. If a couple gets married when they are both still young, the effects of early marriage on health can be either positive or negative, depending on their maturity and commitment to each other. A loving couple who seeks to bring out the best in one another can look forward to a long and fruitful life, enjoying their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren together.

4. Married people age more happily

Happily married couples generally don’t have as much insecurities about aging as unmarried people do. People in happy relationships know that their partners love and care for them, even if they don’t remain as attractive as they once were. Their relationship bond is strong and their physical appearance makes a little difference. Therefore aging is not something that happily married couples frown upon.

5. Recover from ailments more quickly

Another positive effect of marriage is that you always have someone to care for you when you get sick. Couples in happy relationships recover quickly from ailments as they have their partners by their side to take care of them, comfort them, give them medicines, consult the doctor and do whatever is required. The emotional support that strong couples give to each other is also something that helps them get well soon.

Negative physical effects of a stressful marriage

Being in a strained and stressful marriage is not only detrimental to mental health, but this is also where the negative physical effects of marriage on health can be observed.

1. Weakened immune system

The immune system of both men and women tends to take a battering in times of stress, and especially the stress caused by marital conflict. With germ-fighting cells in the body being inhibited, one becomes more vulnerable to diseases and infections. Chronic stress and anxiety in a marriage can be caused by constantly wondering if your partner really loves you, or by having to walk on eggshells around your spouse. This kind of stress takes a serious toll on the T-cells in the immune system which fight off infections, and increases the levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

2. Heart disease rate increases

 Women, as well as men, in a stressful or unsatisfying marriage seem to be particularly prone to heart disease. A rise in blood pressure, higher cholesterol levels, and increased body mass indexes all contribute to the risk of heart disease. Cardiovascular health seems to be directly linked to stress levels, and women who are unhappily married seem to be especially affected. This may be due to women’s tendency to internalise their anxiety and stress, which takes a toll on their body and heart, over a prolonged period of time.

3. Diabetes risk increases

 Stress in marriage can also be the cause of increased blood sugar levels and the increased risk of developing type two diabetes.  Prolonged periods of psychological stress or unresolved conflicts can result in the blood glucose levels being increased over an extended time frame. In such cases the body may not be able to make enough insulin to counteract the extra glucose in the blood system. People who are in a stressful situation may also tend to exercise less and neglect good eating habits.

4. Slower healing from illness or injury

The impairment of the immune system also results in the body taking a longer time to recover when sickness or physical wounding occurs. If there has been surgery, or an accident, the recovery time for a person in a stressful and unhappy marriage would normally be longer than for someone who has a loving spouse to take care of them and encourage the healing process.

5. Harmful habits

For someone who is enmeshed in an unhappy or abusive marriage, the temptation to indulge in harmful habits can be overwhelming. This can be an attempt to alleviate the emotional pain of the failing marriage by taking drugs, smoking or drinking alcohol. These and other negative pursuits are harmful to the health and ultimately add to the stress of the situation. In extreme cases, suicide may even seem to be an option or a means of escape from the unhappy marriage.

The effects of marriage on health can be either advantageous and positive, or detrimental and negative. If you have recognized any of these health concerns discussed above, you may want to consider getting help for your marriage relationship, thereby addressing the root cause, as well as seeking medical attention for the symptoms.


Author's page :
10 Negative Effects Of Divorce On Children And Ways To Mitigate Them
Rohit Garoo
October 25, 2017


Divorce is the most difficult phase of a married couple’s life. As adults, they might eventually get over the tough period, but children become a collateral casualty. Their minds are tender and can slip into a state of shock on seeing parents split forever.

The adverse effects of divorce can be long-lasting on children and may impact their own relationships. Studies have shown that in the US, the daughters of divorced parents have a 60% higher divorce rate than those of non-divorced parents. The number is 35% for sons.

The Short-Term Effects Of Divorce On Children:

Children who witness a divorce could be disturbed by the thought of not seeing their parents together again. Following are some of the immediate short-term effects of divorce on children:

    Anxiety: The aftermath of a divorce causes the child to become tense, nervous, and anxious. Young children are more prone to it than the older ones since they are heavily dependent on both the parents. An anxious child will find it difficult to concentrate on his studies and may lose interest in activities that he once found enticing.

    Constant stress: According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, many children falsely consider themselves the reason behind their parents’ divorce and assume the responsibility to mend the relationship (2). This can lead to immense stress and pressure on the young mind, which can have several repercussions like negative thoughts and nightmares.

    Mood swings and irritability: Young children may suffer from mood swings and become irritable even when interacting with familiar people. Some children will go into a withdrawal mode, where they stop talking to anyone and shut themselves away. The child will become quiet and prefer spending time alone.

    Intense sadness: Acute sadness rushes through the heart and mind of the child. Nothing feels good in life, and the child may eventually plunge into depression, which is a long-term manifestation of this sadness.

    Disillusion and distress: Children of divorce may feel hopeless and disillusioned because they do not have the comprehensive emotional support from their parents. This situation can become worse if the child is looked after by a single parent with no access to the other parent.

Short-term effects of divorce can hamper a child’s psychological and physiological growth, which can have a long-term impact.

Long-Term Effects Of Divorce On Children:

Things can get rough for a child, who sees his parents bicker and separate. Their minds are still plastic that is they can easily get affected by the events happening around them. Following are the long-term effects of divorce on children:

6. Behavioral and social problems:

A child is at a greater risk of developing violent and antisocial behavior when the parents divorce. He or she may lose temper at the drop of a hat and show no hesitation assaulting someone. In the long run, it may lead to the development of a criminal mindset, especially during the adolescent years. Studies show that most children of divorce display the characteristic traits of aggression and disobedience with varying degree of intensity (3). Extreme cases of these conditions make the child a social misfit.

7. Trouble with relationships:

When children grow seeing a marriage fail, they develop doubts about love and harmony in a relationship. They have trust issues and find it challenging to resolve conflicts in a relationship. Such children, as adults, will start any relationship with a negative mindset.

8. Prone to substance abuse:

Drugs and alcohol become the avenues for adolescents to vent out their frustration and anxiety. Research has shown a higher incidence of substance abuse in teens whose parents are divorced (4). Of course, there are other factors like the care provided by the single parent, which determine the adolescent’s tendency to have drugs. However, the probability of an adolescent succumbing to the temptation is considerably high. Long-term substance abuse has damaging effects on the well-being of the child.

9. Depression:

The feeling of anguish and heartbreak caused by parents’ divorce can make a child slip into depression. Depression is a mental health problem, and children who witness divorce have a higher incidence of depression and social withdrawal. Researchers note that divorce can be a contributing factor in cases of bipolar disorder observed in children (5).

10. Poor education and socio-economic position:

The adverse psychological effects of divorce diminish a child’s interest in education. Children who experience the divorce of their parents show a drastic drop in their school grades (6). It can significantly impede a child’s ability to learn at school and college. A stunted progress in education hampers career prospects of the child as an adult, which make it difficult to have a decent socio-economic status.

Divorce can take a toll on the children’s mental and physical health, but sometimes, separated parents are far better than quarreling parents. Don’t be surprised.

The Positive Side Of Divorce:

Divorce is not limited just to the couple but extends to the entire family. The effects are long lasting. Despite the melancholy associated with it, there is a positive way to look at divorce from a child’s point of view.

Note that these positive effects are in comparison to a family of bickering parents and not a normal family with loving parents.

1. Happy parents denote a happy child:

The child no longer has to experience a tense atmosphere at home as mom and dad will no more quarrel. As they are no longer greeted by arguments, they return home from school or college with a positive mindset. It also ensures that the child does not wander away with a bad company to avoid squabbling parents at home.

2. The child could be less prone to addiction:

The deed is done and over. It means, the separated parents can now focus on the children as the task of getting divorced is completed. The kid does not have to rely on pseudo-comforters like drugs and alcohol.

3. The child spends quality time with parents:

If the child is free to shuttle between the houses of his both parents, then he may spend fruitful time. His interactions are no longer interpreted by an argument, and he can pour his heart out freely. It also gives each parent an opportunity to divide the responsibility equally, and still be the caring mom or dad that they have been.

4. Better grades:

Research has shown that divorce can help a child study better and improve his grades since he no longer has the baggage of quarreling parents back home (7). Also, each parent dedicates their time for the child’s homework and studies.

5. Children may not repeat their parents’ mistakes:

What happens when you see your parents’ marriage fail? You get the best life lesson on managing relationships. Studies about positive effects of divorce have shown that children who witness the split of their parents can show maturity and patience while managing conflicts in their relationships. They communicate better and always strive to be good by not repeating the mistakes of their parents (8).

This could be a positive way of looking at a divorce, if that is imminent. The child’s reaction to their parents’ decision depends on various factors such as the age of the child and gender.

Factors That Determine A Child’s Reaction To Divorce:

Following are some of the factors that play a significant role in the way a divorce affects the child:

1. Gender:

Divorce affects boys and girls equally, but in some cases, a particular gender may show a more adverse reaction than the other. For example, depression due to divorce is higher in boys than in girls. On the other hand, girls have a greater tendency to develop severe behavioral problems (9). Overall, divorce has identical and equivalent levels of psychological reactions among children of both genders.

2. Age:

The age of the child plays a critical role in the way he/she reacts to the split of their parents:

i) Toddler/preschooler:

    An infant is too young to understand a divorce, so it is only when the child is a toddler that the separation starts making a difference.

    The effects of divorce on a toddler are elementary yet may grow profound. A toddler observes that one parent is not part of his or her life anymore, but does not understand the reason. The child may insist on meeting the other parent, and will throw a tantrum for it.

    Toddlers can feel nervous, become clingy, and cry when missing the other parent, or when they find the absence of a parent confusing.

ii) Early schooler:

    The child can comprehend that something is wrong in the relationship of his mother and father. He can connect the split with the relationship problem, but may not discern the purpose of a divorce.

    Early schoolers easily get anxious and stressed when they realize he/she is not going to live with both the parents anymore.

    May show poor appetite, loss of interest in playing with friends, and would request the guardian parent to get back together with the other parent.

iii) Preteen:

    Preteen can interpret divorce but will oppose or resist accepting it. He/she may repeatedly sneak out from the guardian parent to meet the other parent, and argue if caught.

    Will show poor grades and loss of interest in studies. He will also grow irritable on trivial matters.

    The child may consider himself as the cause of the divorce and will try to reunite his parents.

iv) Adolescents:

    Adolescents/teenagers understand divorce and have clear cognition of the reasons behind it. Due to this, they are most likely to feel emotionally upset on seeing their parents go separate ways.

    An adolescent will suffer poor grades, withdraw from his current friend circle, and may cut off his relatives as well. He/she may also stop speaking to one or both the parents due to anger and frustration.

    May show first signs of inclination towards substance abuse like addiction towards alcohol and narcotics. Also, if in a relationship of his/her own, then they will tend to be abusive and quarrelsome due to stress.

3. Availability of emotional support:

If the child has a backup emotional support system, then he is less likely to display any inimical effects of divorce of his parents. The emotional support could range from having a supportive sibling to grandparents that foster the child while the biological parents resolve the divorce. In some cases, the single parent may handle the situation in a calm and rational manner, which can ensure that the child does not suffer any adverse influence of the divorce.

It is clear that suffering is inescapable for the child, but you can make an effort to mitigate it.

How To Mitigate A Child’s Suffering In A Divorce:

It is okay for a wife and husband to split, but a mother and father must always stay together for the sake of their children. Perhaps the best way to prevent a child from suffering is to resolve the conflict and get back together as a happy family. However, if that is not possible, following are some tips to keep the little one mentally strong:

1. Do not keep the impending divorce a secret:

Revealing an imminent divorce at the last moment can confuse and shock the child. Inform the child about your decision way before you arrive at it. Tell him than mom and dad have decided to live separately, and he/she is not the reason behind it. Do not demean or blame your partner for the divorce, and keep your words child-friendly.

2. Continue to stay involved as parents:

The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry states that the children of divorce do better when the parents continue to remain involved in their upbringing. Despite the divorce, ensure you celebrate all important family events, especially your child’s birthday, together. Continue to guide your child as a parent so that he/she has a healthy childhood. Tell them that your decision should not influence their life and that they continue to have a normal with activities like going to school, studying, and playing with friends.

3. Maintain a healthy routine:

This is applicable especially to toddlers and preschoolers. Do not let divorce disrupt the routine of your child when he/ she is a toddler or an infant. Keep feeding, bathing, and sleeping, all at the same time like it was before. Cuddle with the child and make it a point to spend quality time. It will all bring a sense of normalcy in the life of the child.

4. Avoid long and murky custody disputes:

A custody dispute is the ugly legal spat between divorcing couples about the guardianship rights of the child. It is settled in a court of law and can take an awfully long time to resolve. Children can find the experience stressful especially if the court puts the onus on the child, by asking him/her to choose one parent. To prevent agony to the child, keep him/her out of any legal proceedings. Instead, opt to nurture the child together as parents, despite splitting as a couple.

5. Do not forbid meetings with the other parent:

If you win the custody of the child, then do not restrict or prevent the child from meeting the other parent. Remember, your ex-spouse is still the biological parent of your child and has as much right as you do. When children have access to both parents, they have a normal childhood, even if the parents do not live together under the same roof.

These tips can help prevent long-term mental scarring of the child, and let him have a happy and normal childhood.

Divorce is a bitter pill for you and your children. But if you have no other option but to opt for it, make sure your kids are not affected in the melee. They have a long way to go in their life and your divorce cannot be an impediment to their growth.

To do it simple : take your time to choose the right partner to keep an happy couple or family for life.


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