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HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS > Differences between SEX and LOVE
How to LOVE ?
(1/1)
PiJo:
Author's page : How to Love
How to Love
Three Parts:
Loving Yourself
Loving a Partner
Loving Despite Differences
Key Points
- Appreciate and care about yourself. Make loving you a priority.
- Adopt a positive outlook and do things that make you happy
- Commit to a relationship and don't be afraid of emotional and physical intimacy.
- Learn lessons from previous relationships and apply them to future situations.
- Try to reconcile differences and balance the negatives with the positives.
Part 1
Loving Yourself
1
Appreciate you. Before loving anyone else, you have to love yourself. Learning to love yourself means accepting and appreciating the vulnerability within. You have many qualities that are unique to you. Learn to appreciate who you are and what you can offer.
If you have problems loving yourself, then work hard to build yourself up. Work on your self confidence by accepting your past and moving forward. You may feel that things you did in the past will make you unlovable, or that you have too many problems to be lovable. Untrue. Accept the things that happened to you, forgive yourself, and move on.
For more information, check out How to Love Yourself.
2
Care about yourself just as much as you care about others. This can be difficult if you find yourself as a natural caretaker or if you have children. Remember, your ability to take care of others increases if you are adequately taking care of yourself.
Don’t let yourself become the last priority; instead, do things do show yourself you care. Treat yourself to a massage or a bath. Do one thing every day that is just for you.
This extends to maintaining boundaries and saying “no.” If what you need is some relaxation, say no to getting together with friends.
3
Give gratitude. Grateful people have health benefits and report higher levels of happiness. Find ways to be grateful for things that surround you, and most importantly, for who you are.
Think about the characteristics you have that you love about yourself. Maybe you are very compassionate, generous, or a good listener. Maybe you pick up new skills easily. Perhaps you create beautiful paintings or wire electricity like a pro. Take a moment and be grateful.
4
Have a good attitude. Even if situations seem negative, find something positive, big or small. Having a positive outlook is linked with health and emotional benefits, such as lower rates of distress and having a longer lifespan. When you start to have negative thoughts, especially about yourself, turn them into positive thoughts.
Use positive self-talk to transform negative thoughts into positive thoughts.
Combat thoughts about new situations. Instead of “I’ll mess this up; I’m so foolish!” try “I feel proud of myself for trying something new and putting myself out there.”
If you think “I am so bad at meeting people” replace it with “I’m excited to learn new social skills and meet people more like me. I know I can succeed in making friends.”
5
Engage in things that make you happy. Being happy is part of showing love to yourself. Create a state of happiness by doing things that make you feel good. Do things that make your body, mind, emotions, and spirit feel good. Happiness largely depends on putting in the effort to make your life more positive.
You can choose to meditate, practice yoga, paint or draw, kayak, hiking, practice Muay Thai or engage in lively discussions. Think about what brings a smile to your face, and go do it!
6
Take some alone time. An important part of self-care is to spend some time alone. It can be difficult if you share a room or have children, but saving some time for yourself is important. Solitude can help you unwind, work through problems, reboot your mind, and discover yourself. Don’t feel guilty for wanting alone time. By spending time alone, you can improve your relationships by prioritizing your happiness and allowing yourself to reset.
It’s important to note that alone time doesn’t mean going on social media. Try to do things that enrich your life and make you feel good like taking a walk or journaling.
If you struggle to find alone time, wake up before other people, or spend your lunch breaks alone. Ask your partner to watch the kids for one hour each week so you can get out of the house and spend some time alone.
7
Accept that you don’t need a partner to feel complete. Some people believe that happiness and love can only be experienced through a relationship, or that a bad relationship is still better than no relationship at all. Staying in a relationship that does not work does not respect you or your partner. Solitude is different than being lonely, and it is not worth succumbing to social pressure to fit in or feel complete.
If you are unhappy or impatient being single, make the best of the situation. Pursue opportunities that are difficult to accomplish with a partner or a family. Travel, acquire lots of close friends, and enjoy your perpetual freedom.
Part 2
Loving a Partner
1
Commit. Put forth effort into the relationship and work hard to make it work. Communicate openly with your partner about your goals for the relationship and where you see it going. If you're only interested in a short-term fling, be honest. If you've got an eye toward serious long-term love, be honest. There's nothing wrong with either kind of love, but you need to make sure that your partner is equally committed to the same version of love that you are.
Commit to the person and to the relationship. Put in work to make your partner feel special, and work toward making the relationship work.
2
Be intimate. The word "intimacy" is often associated with sex, but being emotionally intimate is a huge part of a loving relationship. Emotional intimacy involves allowing yourself to feel and express vulnerability around your partner. Avoiding vulnerability can look like like withdrawal, attack, or accusations. On the contrary, intimacy can look like sharing fears, discomfort, and disappointment with your partner. Feelings or situations that previously felt unsafe feel safer in an intimate relationship because of the vulnerability and trust that has been developed.
When you begin to feel vulnerable (like experiencing fear, sadness, shame, or hurt), take a moment and pause. Acknowledge whatever feelings come up and allow yourself to feel them; don’t avoid them. Take compassion on the feeling and be gentle with it.
Share your vulnerable moments and let your partner support you.
3
Accept that love is dynamic. If you’re concerned that the initial attraction and strong feelings of love are wearing off, realize that love can occur in waves. Sometimes you feel overwhelmingly in love with someone, and other times you experience less love to or from that person. Just because you hit a low point doesn’t mean that the feelings will last forever. Life happens in cycles and it’s okay that love experiences highs and lows.
Lots of things can create peaks and troughs in love, such as having children or growing older. You can work through them.
4
Be open to receiving love. You don’t have to be the one in control of the love in your relationship; let your partner express love toward you. Receiving love can feel vulnerable to some people because it requires letting go of control. Be open to receiving gifts, accepting compliments, and warm gestures toward you. You may feel like you now owe something back, but let that go and enjoy the experience of receiving. Love does not have debts but multiplies.
5
Touch your partner. Touching does not need to be sexual, but engaging in a long, supportive hug or reaching out for your partner’s hand is a way to stay connected. Express your love for your partner by initiating and sustaining physical contact. Affection is one way to express care, appreciation, and other connecting, positive emotions.
Affection is a way to make your partner feel loved and for you to feel loving.
6
Express gratitude to your partner. Sometimes the way we communicate with a partner can be lost in translation, but gratitude is always understood. Affirm your appreciation of your partner by expressing gratitude. Thank your partner to show that you notice the effort put into the relationship. Show appreciation for the things your partner does, and also for the qualities that your loved one embodies.
7
Be partners in life. The whole point of going through life with people you love is so that you can tackle life’s challenges together. Work together to find solutions, solve problems, and comfort each other when times get tough. We can’t solve everything on our own, we can’t know everything there is to know... but a whole bunch of people getting together out of love can solve just about any problem.
Part 3
Loving Despite Differences
Many factors as a difference in language, religion, culture, ethnie ... are sources of conflict for many couples.
1
Don’t expect perfection. Don’t expect perfection in the person you love or in yourself. This sets incredibly unrealistic expectations. Neither of you will be able to live up to these standards and you both will end up hurt and disappointed. Take it easy on yourself and your partner, and expect mistakes to happen.
2
Learn lessons and apply them to your relationships. Yes, bad things will happen in your relationships. You’ll say the wrong thing, or your partner will hurt your feelings. It happens. The important part, when anything goes wrong (even if it’s just problems in your life), is to learn your lessons and keep moving forward. Try to make the most of any negative situation, turning it into something positive by gaining and growing from the experience. Honestly try to see your significant other's point of view in any argument that gets fairly serious.
If you're in the wrong, apologize and own up to your mistake. Good relationships air out the grievances and clear the air.
3
Reconcile your differences. It’s hard to feel love toward someone when you’re really mad or upset at your partner. Whether you and your partner become volatile or avoid fights, there’s actually no measured differences in couple happiness. The important part is finding happiness together after the fight.
Be aware that there's always the opportunity for reconciliation. Whether you have volatile screaming matches or you sit down together to compromise before things get too heated, almost every style of conflict allows for some form of reconciliation. No matter how you and your partner fight, make sure you are, in the end, both feeling heard and able to come to some kind of agreement.
4
Balance your negative and positive feelings toward each other. Balance is important in creating a happy and loving relationship. Research shows that in relation to stability over time, the magic ratio for positive and negative interactions in relationships is five to one, or five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. When you recognize a negative action toward your partner, do your best to provide positive interactions to restore a sense of balance.
Positive interactions include physical intimacy such as touching, smiling, and laughing.
Community Q&A
How can I help myself if I am searching for love?
Focus on loving yourself first. Put your time, energy, and money into creating a life you love. Along the way you’ll meet someone who is doing the same thing and you’ll both be primed to love each other abundantly. If you’re already at that point in life, try meeting someone at places you love to be. For example, if you love rock climbing, be more open to chatting up the climber next you.
How do I deal with a partner that I love very much, but who suffers with anxiety?
There are many excellent resources that will teach you about anxiety so you can understand what your partner is going through, and how you can help. Here are three pillars to base your actions on:
1. Acknowledge the anxiety as a real problem and respond calmly and kindly.
2. Set clear boundaries around how you're willing to help.
3. Pay attention to your own mental health. This can be strenuous on both of you.
I feel like I'm with my partner out of pity now, not love. What should I do?
It's impossible to have a healthy relationship based on pity. If you're sure that's how you feel, it's time to break up.
How important is having sex?
It depends on the relationship. Some people are asexual and have no sex drive, some couples abstain for religious or other reasons, and some couples go through dry spells. It depends on you and your partner. Talk with your partner about their needs and desires, and what you are and aren't comfortable with.
How do I know my partner still wants me around?
Has conversation become a rarity? Does your partner never make time or sacrifices to spend time with you? Does he or she show a lack of interest in your life, or in physical intimacy? All of these are signs that love has faded. The relationship might not be dead, but you'll both need to commit if you want to turn it around.
What if my partner doesn't tell you how he feels about me?
It's time to take a deep breath, be brave, and ask him how he feels. Choose a quiet time with the two of you, and expect him to pause to reflect on his feelings and how to best put them into words. Be patient while he thinks and listen to what he says. If he is unable to adequately answer right away, he may come back to you in a day or two.
What can I do if my husband has crushes on social media sites?
Having friends online is fine but having crushes is not. Having an online crush could be a form of having an emotional affair and if he is engaging in an emotional affair, he is being unfaithful to you. You may find it helpful to read How to Spot an Emotional Affair.
If I love someone who doesn't love me, what should I do?
It's so hard to back away from someone you've fallen for, but that's what you've got to do. You can't control how the other person feels. Hanging around and hoping just prolongs the pain. Put some distance between you and begin the healing process.
How do I love someone I've lost feelings for?
If you have the desire to love this person, you must have had some good times together. Be honest and talk about what you're feeling, and reflect on the time when you were in love. If you're both willing to have tough conversations (and consider couples counseling), you might be able to rekindle that love.
Sources and Citations
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-love/201105/how-love-yourself-first
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201202/why-you-shouldnt-feel-guilty-about-stealing-little-time-yourself
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201401/3-ways-learn-love-yourself
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-happiness/200805/what-influences-our-happiness-the-most
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201201/6-reasons-you-should-spend-more-time-alone
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-find-lasting-love.htm
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201503/the-key-intimacy-any-relationship
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201402/5-reasons-why-receiving-is-harder-giving
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201303/10-factors-promote-intimacy
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/what-makes-marriage-work
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Author's page " https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15571/how-to-truly-love-someone.html
How To Truly Love Someone
by Sheryl Paul
October 10, 2014
All human beings share the same deepest longings: to know and be known, to hold and be held, to love and be loved, to experience connection without walls and expression without censors.
And yet, when real love is staring you in the eyes, when a loving partner stands before you, you may notice a disconcerting urge to withdraw, to put up walls, or even to run.
What lives inside of this urge is the subconscious awareness that to love means to open yourself to the possibility of getting hurt by losing the one you love. If you pull back from your beloved, you limit the intimacy and, consequently, hedge your bets against the risk. Therefore, the only way to love wholeheartedly is find to the willingness and the courage to risk loss.
We have so many defenses to protect ourselves from the risk of loss. Some of these defenses are obvious and well known: we use sarcasm or dry humor to diminish moments of vulnerability; we create distractions like work and all forms of busyness; we constantly check our smartphones or become addicted to screens.
Other defense mechanisms that prohibit intimacy are more subtle. These forms of protection occur in the realm of the mind and usually manifest as doubt. While there is a place for healthy doubt — especially if there are red-flag issues in the relationship that need your attention — in my work studying and addressing relationship anxiety over the last 15 years I've learned that doubt in a healthy relationship is a very subtle and sneaky defense mechanism that, at its root, is the fear of loss.
This is complicated, so let me explain. We've all been hurt. We've all experienced rejection, ridicule, teasing, abandonment and other experiences that have led to heartbreak and the belief that "I am not enough." It seems almost impossible to grow up in this culture without absorbing this lie about yourself. Few people make it to adulthood unscathed from the overt and covert forms of rejection by caregivers, peers, siblings, teachers, or first lovers.
The belief is also absorbed from the culture itself, for it cannot be denied that we live in a culture of "not-enoughness." The cultural message says: You're not thin enough, fit enough, healthy enough, successful enough; you're not feeding your kids enough vegetables or setting enough limits; you don't meditate enough or practice enough yoga; you don't have enough style, friends, or fun. In short, you're just not quite right because you're not enough.
Once the belief of "I'm not enough" takes hold, it determines many of your decisions regarding intimate relationships. And when you finally do meet a partner who is available, loving, caring, honest, and every other quality you've been waiting for — as opposed to the unavailable ones who had one foot out the door — this latent, silent belief kicks in and the self-protective thought, "You don't love him enough" or "You're not attracted to her enough" is quick on its heels.
Now, instead of addressing your core belief that you're not enough, you've made your partner not enough. Now, instead of you being in the vulnerable position of exposing yourself to the risk of being hurt or rejected, you've positioned yourself into the one-up position of holding the power. Now, instead of allowing the relationship to deepen in intimacy with an unknown end (as we never know what will happen when we commit to one person), the ego, in the power position, will try to convince you to run, thereby controlling the outcome.
The ego hates risk. The ego hates the unknown. The ego hates being vulnerable. In our bully culture, the ego knows it's either bully or be bullied. It chooses to bully, putting your lovely partner under the microscope and convincing you that he or she just isn't enough.
I know from doing this work for so long and being in my own long-term intimate relationship what an incredible act of courage it is to love fully. It's our deepest longing, yes, but it's also our deepest fear. These are the simple steps I suggest for working with the doubt and fear, but please keep in mind that this is very deep work and one must find patience, fortitude, and commitment when dealing with the fears of the heart.
1. Name the fear.
Welcome the fear: get to know it, name it, invite it to dinner for a conversation. Write about it. Talk about it. Every time the thought arises of, "He's not cute enough," or "She's not social enough," (or whatever the area is where your fear hangs its hat), say to yourself, "That's fear and defense talking. It's not the truth."
2. Replace the lies with the truth.
You may know immediately that you carry the belief of "I'm not enough." But for others even contacting this belief can take a long time. Once you're aware of it, the healing work becomes replacing it with the truth, which is, of course, that you are enough. You are loved. You are whole.
You are not without flaws, but your self-worth is not dependent on being flawless. You are worthy of love because you exist. Knowing this in your head and knowing this in your cells are two different experience, however. So be patient with yourself as you ferret out the causes and ramifications of believing that you're not enough and find ways of replacing that lie with the truth.
3. Make peace with the risk of loss.
Ultimately, the only way to love with your whole heart is to make peace with the possibility that you might get hurt. It's our lot as human beings: our time here is finite, and we will, at some point, separate from everyone that we love (even if it's after a sixty year marriage). The ego believes the loss will hurt less if we shut down the passageways of the heart.
But it doesn't work that way: loss hurts no matter what. So you may as well love fully while you have the chance, and trust that, somehow, you will recover from the shattering heartbreak of loss.
It's an interesting paradox: the more fully you love, the more deeply you will grieve when you lose the one you love, and the more likely it is you'll be able to love wholeheartedly again.
There is no greater risk than loving wholeheartedly, and no risk more worth the effort it takes to get there.
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Author's page : http://www.wikihow.com/Show-a-Girl-You-Love-Her
How to Show a Girl You Love Her
Two Methods:
Through Romantic Gestures
Through Your Behavior
If you love a girl, it's important to let her know. But if you're too shy or nervous to say those three little words out loud, don't worry. There are many ways you can show a girl how much you care, through your actions, words and behavior, until you work up the courage to finally say the words. Here are some great suggestions on how to show a girl that you love her.
Method 1
Through Romantic Gestures
1
Send her flowers. It may seem clichéd, but nothing says "I love you" like a beautiful bunch of flowers. However, you should try to put a little effort into it - don't just pick up the first bunch that's on sale at the supermarket. Go the extra mile by finding out from friends or family what type of flowers are her favorite and have them specially delivered to her home.
For added romance, you can attach a romantic note to the flowers. It can be something short and sweet like "beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl" or something a little lengthier, like a romantic quote from a poem or song.
If you're short on cash, don't worry. You don't need to buy the most expensive, imported flowers available. In fact, a single red rose or a freshly-picked bunch of wildflowers can be infinitely more romantic than a generic, pre-arranged bouquet.
2
Cook her favorite dinner. You can show a girl you love her by investing a little time and effort into something that will make her happy, like cooking her favorite dinner. If you've been seeing her for a while, you should have a pretty good idea of what she likes. Just don't go for anything too complicated if you've never made it before. Make the meal extra romantic by setting the table nicely, lighting some candles and playing some mood music in the background.
You can choose to let her know what you're planning and tell her to dress nicely for dinner or you can take her completely by surprise - just make sure she'll be home on time and that she'll definitely come home alone!
Don't worry if you're not a master chef, it's really the thought that counts. However, if you're worried about the food being at least edible, you can try practicing your dish on family or friends first.
If you can't afford to take her out to a restaurant, and you don't know how to cook, ask to cook with her! Partners that do everyday things together have more fun and will be together longer. Try opening up the recipe book and baking together.
3
Write her a love letter. Writing a love letter is a truly romantic way to show a girl you love her and is something she can cherish forever. This is an especially good option if you have difficulty verbalizing your feelings - all you need to do is whip out a pen and let your heart do the talking. You can give the letter to her in person or send it by mail for extra surprise factor.
Take inspiration from the words of great writers such as Shakespeare, Lord Byron or Emily Dickinson if you have difficulty getting started, or look up some famous, romantic quotes that you can incorporate into your letter.
You could also write her a nice email or text message, but there's nothing like snail mail for a bit of old-fashioned romance.
Alternatively, if you want to get even more creative you could try putting your feelings into a song or a poem. You could sing the song in person or record it and send it to her if you're feeling a little shy. If you play an instrument already, even better!
4
Take her out. Take some initiative and plan out a whole romantic evening for the two of you. You could go the classic route of dinner and a movie, or you could try to personalize the experience by recreating your first date or taking her to the place where the two of you first met. The time and effort required to plan out a really special for the two of you will speak for itself and she'll know how much you care.
Try to think about her interests rather than your own - for example, you shouldn't take her bowling if you know she'd really prefer to go ice skating.
Try to come up with some creative ideas, based on her interests and hobbies. If she's outgoing, take her hiking or paint-balling. If she likes to have fun, take her to a theme park or arcade. If she's more into music or drama, get tickets to see a band or a play.
5
Compliment her. This is an easy one. If you really love this girl it should be no problem to find 101 things you like about her and can compliment her on. You can compliment her on her appearance: whether it's something she prides herself on, like her long, shiny hair or amazing green eyes, or something that she feels self-conscious about, like her curves or crooked smile. You shouldn't just focus on her appearance though, you should also compliment her on her best personality traits or something she's done well on.
For example, you could tell her that you love her kind heart and the way she's always doing things for others, or compliment her on what a great job she did at a recent sports event or on a particular homework assignment.
Compliments should always be sincere. If you tell her something that's not true, she may be able to tell that the compliment is fake and the whole thing will backfire completely. Keep it genuine and heartfelt.
6
Surprise her. Surprises are a great way to show a girl that you've been thinking about her and that you're willing to do anything just to make her smile. You don't need to plan a massive party or buy her a puppy or anything (though these ideas may work in certain circumstances!) A surprise can be as simple as showing up at her house with a tub of ice cream and her favorite DVD when she's had a bad day, or leaving a little note in her purse or under her pillow to find when she's least expecting it.
Some girls aren't too fond of surprises, so if you're unsure about something you're planning, try to sneakily suss out her feelings or slip her some subtle hints before you do anything too crazy.
This step only counts if it's a good surprise - it's not advisable to show up with a tattoo of her face on your forearm or the news that you're moving to another state. These type of surprises typically don't go down so well.
7
Tell her you love her. Well, duh. If you really love this girl, the easiest, most straight-forward way to show her is just to tell her. You don't need to make a big song and dance about it, or trail a banner with the words "I love you" from an airplane, you simply need to take a moment when the two of you are sharing an intimate moment alone and say those three little words, seriously and sincerely.
If the exact words "I love you" are a little too scary or intense, try saying something to the same effect, such as "I think I'm falling for you" or something cheesy like "you've completely stolen my heart". She'll get the idea.
If it's your first time to say it, don't be too disheartened if she doesn't say it back right away. She may just need a little more time to process the information. Remember that "I love you" is not a question that demands an answer.
On the other hand, she might be completely over the moon that you've finally mustered up the courage to tell her how you feel and jump at the opportunity to return the words she's been longing to hear. You'll never know until you go for it!
Method 2
Through Your Behavior
1
Be kind. Show your girl that you love her by always being kind to her, no matter where you are or who you're with. It doesn't matter if you're the nicest guy in the world when the two of you are alone, if you're a jerk to her in front of your friends. You need to inhabit the Mr. Nice Guy persona 100% of the time.
Being kind to your girl includes listening to her, always respecting her opinion (even if you disagree), complimenting her, never making her feel bad about herself and doing nice things for her, without needing to be asked.
The whole "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" philosophy is completely overrated, girls want to be with guys who treat them well, especially when it comes to committed relationships.
2
Be honest. Honesty is so important when it comes to love. If you are dishonest, your girl won't be able to trust you, which doesn't bode well for your relationship. You should always tell the truth, whether it's about why you never called her last night, or admitting it was you who broke her favorite mug. She might be angry at the time, but she'll appreciate your honesty in the long-run.
You should also be honest in terms of your feelings towards her. If you're falling in love with her, but haven't said anything about it, muster your courage and tell her. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to emotions.
Tackle any problems or worries you face together, don't bottle things up. That way, she'll know that you trust her. The two of you will be closer and your relationship will be stronger for it.
3
Be thoughtful. Small, thoughtful words and actions are a great way to show a girl you love her. Being thoughtful shows a girl that you listen to her and that you are considerate of her thoughts and feelings. Being thoughtful may be something that comes naturally to you, otherwise you may need to put in a little extra effort to show you care. You can do this by finding out more about her likes and dislikes and by suppressing any selfish tendencies so you can try to put her needs first.
Some examples of ways you can be more thoughtful include: finding out how she likes her coffee (sugar, cream, etc.) and bringing her a cup in the morning or at lunch; letting her choose what movie to go and see, even if it's something you're not particularly interested in; picking up on any comments she might have made about a book she wants to read or a CD she'd like to listen to and buying it for her. You should also make an effort to remember important dates or occasions, like her birthday or the anniversary of your first date, and mark it by giving her a cupcake or a cute card.
Being thoughtful also means being considerate of how your actions will affect her. Like if you're planning a night out with the guys and won't be able to contact her, you should let her know and tell her you'll call her in the morning. That way she won't be wondering where you are. Or if you have a lot of female friends, your should avoid flirting with them or being overly touchy-feely with them while she's around, as this might make her feel insecure.
4
Be affectionate. Being affectionate is an obvious and great way to show a girl you love her. Being affectionate includes holding her hand, giving her lots of hugs and kisses, and calling her by a pet name like "honey", "sweetheart" or something more personal to the two of you. You don't have to reserve this affectionate behavior for when the two of you are alone, you can be affectionate in public or with friends by standing or sitting near her and putting your arm around her shoulders or waist. Show the world that you're proud to be with this girl and she'll know you love her.
You should try to be the one to initiate contact sometimes. Grab her hand when you're walking down the street or surprise her with a bear hug from behind. Little things like this can really make a girl feel special.
Just be conscious of doing things that she might feel uncomfortable with. She may not appreciate you being all over her around her friends and family as this can make her feel awkward. Be considerate of her feelings and make sure you know where the boundaries are.
5
Be chivalrous. Prove that chivalry is not dead by acting like a gentleman towards your girl (and any other women in your life). Try opening doors for her, letting her order first at a restaurant, offering her your jacket if she's cold and waiting to make sure she gets inside okay when you drop her home. In general, you should try to make her feel both safe and respected, without being in any way condescending. Let her know that you'll always have her back and that you'll stand up for her when she needs you.
Be aware that being a gentleman does not mean that you should do everything for her all the time or assume that she can't manage on her own, as she may find this disrespectful. Tell her that you love how independent she is, but that you like doing things for her from time to time.
Being chivalrous is less about treating her like a damsel in distress and more about giving her the respect she deserves.
6
Be supportive. Try to be as encouraging and supportive as possible towards the girl you love. This means that you should encourage her goals and dreams, and not dismiss them or laugh them off as being silly or unrealistic. You should help her out whenever you can, or just be there for her when she needs you. She'll appreciate it more than you know.
You can be supportive of her in a multitude of ways, whether it's by going to see the play she has a supporting role in, by listening to her practice the presentation she has to give at work or school, or just by giving her a shoulder to cry on when she needs to vent.
7
Be there for her. You can really show a girl you love her by being there for her whenever she needs you most. Whether she's had a fight with her best friend, didn't get the exam results she was hoping for, or is grieving for a lost loved one, your job is to be there for her and let her know that you love her no matter what. It's fine to be with her during the good times, but the true test of your love is whether you can stick it out during the bad times. Be there for her when she really needs you and she'll have no doubt about your feelings for her.
You can be there for someone in a number of ways. You can simply give them a shoulder to cry on, boost their confidence by reminding them what a great person they are, or just take their mind of things by doing something fun with them. Try to read the situation to figure out what she needs the most.
You can also show a girl you love her by letting her be there for you when you need it. Don't shut her out or leave her in the dark when you're going through a rough patch, let her in and share your feelings with her. She'll know that you trust her and depend on her and you'll both realize that you're stronger together.
Tips
Every girl is different, so base your actions on her particular personality. If you really love her, you should have a good idea as to the kind of things she likes and appreciates. Ask her about her interests and get to know her so you can personalize your affection. Not all girls are into flowers or going to the movies, so pay attention to the fandoms she likes and is a part of.
Warnings
Whatever you do, don't be afraid to show a girl you love her. If she doesn't know or realize how much you care, you run the risk of losing her forever. Bite the bullet and put yourself out there, regardless of the consequences. You don't want to regret losing this girl just because you were too afraid to tell her how you really felt.
If you really love a girl, stay commited to her. Ask her what she is comfortable with, and be loyal. If you give her reason to worry, or have anything to hide, it can and will turn her away from you.
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Author's page : http://www.wikihow.com/Show-Your-Love-to-Your-Boyfriend
How to Show Your Love to Your Boyfriend
Four Methods:
Say the Right Things
Do the Right Things
Be a Rockstar Girlfriend
Keep Your Relationship Fresh
It's not always easy to show your love to your boyfriend, whether you've been together for a while or have only been seeing each other exclusively for a few months. This wikiHow will show you how to show your love to your boyfriend.
10 Second Summary
1. Tell him that you love him.
2. Learn to communicate, compromise, and apologize.
3. Do small favors for him and take interest in his hobbies.
4. Don't be jealous and give him space when he needs it.
5. Go on adventures together and make time for romance.
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Method 1
Say the Right Things
1
Tell your man how much you love him. Seriously. Though your man will claim you're being too mushy, if you're at the "I love you" stage, don't forget to tell him that you love him every day. Show him that you mean it by keeping eye contact and touching him lightly. Remember that there's a big difference between saying "Love ya!" and "I love you."
2
Encourage him. If you want your man to know that you love him, then you should encourage him to achieve his goals every day, whether they are big or small. Being there to support and encourage him the night before a big exam or a job interview will show him how much you care and want him to succeed.
If he's not feeling confident, list all of the things that make him great, and all of the reasons that he'll succeed.
If he has a big event coming up, leave him a sweet note to wish him luck.
Push him to do something out of his comfort zone. If he wants to train for a marathon but isn't sure that he can do it, you can tell him that he can accomplish anything (within reason) if he really puts his mind to it.
3
Communicate like a champ. Communication is key in any relationship. If you want your man to know how much you love him, then you need to be able to communicate honestly and clearly. Taking the time to check in and make sure that you're on the same page will help your relationship grow even stronger. Here's how you do it:
Don't yell or argue. Instead of yelling or arguing, learn to state your side of the story and wait for a response.
Learn to listen. Communication is a two way street, so take the time to slow down and understand your boyfriend's perspective instead of interrupting and focusing on your own feelings.
Be honest. Be honest about how you're really feeling instead of being passive aggressive. Let him know what's on your mind.
Pick the right time and place to have a serious talk. If you have something important to discuss, don't just blurt it out in a public place, but wait for the right moment when you both have time to sit down and really have a conversation.
4
Learn to compromise. You can show your boyfriend that you care by making it clear that being happy is more important than being right. You and your boyfriend need to learn how to work together to make decisions, big or small. You need to learn to factor him into all of your decisions, and to be able to concede some of the time.
Before a big decision, sit down with your man and write down all of the pros and cons of your two plans. Discuss which plan is best overall, and which will make the two of you the most happy collectively.
Make sure that both people are compromising. Don't always give in to his needs, and don't let him give in to yours all the time.
Take turns, even on the small things. If you picked the dinner location on your date, let him pick the movie.
5
Learn to say you're sorry. If you want your man to know how much you love him, then you need to learn how to be responsible for your mistakes. If you've made a mistake, let him know how truly sorry you are by saying the words like you really mean them, and assuring him that you feel terrible for hurting him. If you're too stubborn to say you're sorry, the relationship won't last.
You should also learn to accept his apologies. You can fume a little bit, but understand that he feels terrible and don't hold a grudge, or you'll never be able to move forward.
Method 2
Do the Right Things
1
Do little favors for him. A few little favors can go a long way. Doing small favors for your man is a great way to show your love for him, especially when he's in a pinch. The favors may be small, but they'll add up. Here are some favors that you can do for him:
If he's having a busy day at work, bring him his lunch, if you can. He'll appreciate it.
Do his laundry from time to time. Just make sure he doesn't take advantage of you -- if you do his laundry, make sure he does yours.
Cook him a nice big dinner when he's having a long and stressful day. All he'll have to do is enjoy it and do the dishes afterward.
Run small errands for him if he needs some help. If you're already doing to the mall, offer to return one of his shirts for him.
2
Don't force him to do things he hates to do. Though all great relationships are built through compromise, this does not mean that you have to drag your boyfriend out of the house to make him do a ton of things that don't interest him at all. Of course, he won't love every last thing you do together, but you can work to make sure you don't make him suffer too much when you go out.
Don't drag him to see a chick flick unless you're really dying to see it and none of your girlfriends will go with you.
Don't force him to take a yoga or dance class with you just to prove how sensitive he is -- unless he thinks it sounds like fun.
Don't make him meet your family until he's ready. If you've only been dating for a few months, he may take meeting your family very seriously, so you shouldn't force him to have an awkward sit-down dinner with your mom if the two of you are just getting to know each other.
Don't force him to move too fast. Don't "persuade" him to move in with you, go on long trips with you, or pose for 100 photos you'll post on Facebook if he's not ready. Each relationship moves at its own pace, and if you do this, he won't feel loved -- he'll feel smothered.
3
Learn to love to do what he does -- some of the time. Though he can't expect you to be cheering in the front row of every MMA fight, if you really want to show him your love, you'll have to enjoy some of the things that are important to him. Don't force yourself to do anything that sounds terrible, but take the time to get to know and love things related to his hobbies and interests. Here are a few ideas:
Embrace his favorite sports teams. You don't have to get a tattoo of Coco Crisp on your face just because your boyfriend loves the Oakland A's -- but you should try to watch some baseball games with him, whether they're live or on TV. If you're not big on sports, just be open-minded and give sports a chance before you decide you just can't watch them.
Embrace his tastes. Be open-minded and offer to go to a concert of your boyfriend's favorite band even if you haven't heard of it. If he's obsessed with sushi but you've never tried it, give the fish a chance.
Just remember to maintain your identity. In any healthy and long relationship, the tastes of both members of a couple may naturally converge, but this doesn't mean you have to drop all of your interests and become a clone of your boyfriend. In fact, that will be a major turn-off.
4
Be the person he has the most fun with. This is an important point. If you really want your boyfriend to know how much you love him, then you should be the person he wants to spend the most time with and the person he has the most fun with. A lot of guys consider their "bro time" to be the most fun and crazy time of their lives, and then come back to you, the sweet girlfriend, expecting you to make them a delicious meal and help cure their hangovers, but this is not the way to do it.
Well, if you really want him to know you care, you need to work to be the person that he has the crazy nights with -- you'll just have to nurse your hangovers together.
Though you don't have to be loud and crazy, he should look forward to time with you as being fun, silly, and the best time he'll have.
Method 3
Be a Rockstar Girlfriend
1
Don't be jealous. Your boyfriend won't think you love him just because you obsess over his ex-girlfriends or any girls who come within a twenty-foot radius of his person. Instead, he'll just think you're insecure about the relationship, and he'll be annoyed and won't want to hang out with you. If you want to be a cool girlfriend, have faith in your great relationship and don't be freaked out if you see him talking to another girl.
Don't get jealous if your boyfriend and his buddies talk about another girl. Hey, if the girl is hot, you can admit it too. As long as your boyfriend isn't making creepy comments (and why would he?), you should show that you can appreciate a beautiful woman, too.
If any time another girl comes up, you jump to criticize her looks, her weight, or the outfit she wore last Tuesday, you will just come off as looking really insecure. Instead, show that you know you're beautiful but that you're not the only woman in the world, and admit that the other girl is a cool chick.
Don't be mean or snooty to his female friends. If you're being a crazy girlfriend, they'll report back to your man.
Don't snoop through your boyfriend's phone or Facebook to see if he's been chatting it up with other girls. If he finds out, then he won't be able to trust you.
2
Be cool with his friends. You'll have a path straight to your man's heart if you're cool with his bros. Seriously. If his friends love you, then they'll actually want to hang out with you, and won't think you're just another one of those possessive girlfriends who won't let her man be any fun.
Take the time to get to know them. If they're receptive, ask them about their lives. Show that you see them as individuals, not just as the guys who hang around your boyfriend.
Don't get upset if the guys are overly obnoxious. Just let them be themselves. You don't want them to feel like they're hanging out with their mom all of a sudden.
If you want to be cool with your man's bros, then don't hang out if you're not wanted. Don't intrude on an obvious "guys only" night, or sit through a male activity just because you don't want to let your man out of your sight. If you're cool with letting him have his man time, then the guys will be much happier to see you when you're around at the right times.
3
Give him time to do his own thing. If you want your man to see how much you love him, then you need to show him that you respect him as an individual and want to give him time to do his own thing and to be his own person. He won't be able to grow if you're clinging to his side twenty-four hours a day. Plus, if he spends a bit more time apart from you, he'll appreciate the time he spends with you even more.
Understand the meaning of "me time." If your guy wants to read, go for a run, or just spend some time alone watching TV, don't ask if you can come along.
Don't check in on him every five seconds. If he's out with friends or just hanging solo, don't call or text him every ten minutes to make sure he's okay. This will make you look possessive -- or even obsessive.
Let him spend time with other friends and family. Don't ask to tag along to every last social item on his agenda.
Don't forget to do your own thing. While your man is out with his friends or pursuing his interests, make sure that you have friends and interests of your own, too. You don't want him to think that he's the only good thing in your life.
4
Keep things positive. Don't spend all of your time together nagging and whining. You're allowed to have a bad day, but your man should feel like your equal, not your therapist. He should cherish the time he spends with you and think of it as a fun, positive experience, instead of as a cross to bear. If you want him to see how much you love him, then you should keep things positive as much as you can.
Make an effort to smile more. It will brighten your face as well as your man's day.
Be goofy and show off your sense of humor. You and your man should be able to spend hours just being silly.
Make a rule of thumb: for every one complaint, you should mention at least five things you're excited about. This will make your man more excited about hanging out with you, and more excited about your future together. He'll know you love him because you'll be in a good mood when you're together.
Method 4
Keep Your Relationship Fresh
1
Be adventurous together. To avoid getting stuck in the same old routine, you and your man need to put on your cowboy boots and ride off into uncharted territory. Ok, so not really -- but you should try new things that take you out of your comfort zones, which will make you learn new things and grow together in the process.
Try hiking, mountain climbing, or just exploring nature together. If your guy doesn't like hiking, find an outdoorsy activity where he can show off his skills, like camping or biking.
Try exotic foods together. Pick a restaurant that serves the cuisine of a country you've never even heard of, and indulge in the taste and unique cuisines together.
Go on an adventure. This could mean taking a vacation to a fun and crazy spot, or just going in your car and driving for two hours to check out a waterfall or a weird haunted house. You can even close your eyes and point to a map, and go wherever your finger falls. It's all about the journey here.
2
Make time for romance. If you want to keep your relationship fresh, then you have to make time for romance with your man, no matter how long you've been together. Some guys don't like the unmanly term "date night," but you should still make sure to spend at least one day each week hanging out and doing romantic things together, such as cooking a meal over candlelight, or going out to a wine bar.
If you both dress up, you'll feel like the moment is even more special.
There's no need to get too mushy during "date night" -- whatever you do together, make sure your man is actually enjoying himself, and not just doing his boyfriend-ly duty to keep you happy.
3
Keep things fresh in the bedroom. Another way to show your man your love is to keep things fresh in the bedroom. You shouldn't have sex just because he wants to, but because you're excited to get it on with your man. Let him know how much you want to make love, and keep things fresh by always trying something new.
Make love in new positions. Don't do the same old thing you've been doing -- try something completely new. As long as it still feels good, you'll be kicking your sex life up a notch.
Make love in new places. The bed isn't the only place where you can make love. If you're in the mood, make love on your couch, on your floor, or even in a secluded location. This will make the process feel illicit and he'll see how much you love him even more.
If you really want to show your love to your boyfriend, then be respectful if he doesn't love to cuddle for hours after sex. You can spend some time in bed with him after you do the deed, but don't force him to be there until he gets so bored he falls asleep.
Community Q&A
How must I give my boyfriend love when I'm with him?
Be kind, patient and understanding.
How do I start kissing him?
This is one of the easiest things to do. Boys love it when girls are confident, so just go for it. Try grabbing his shirt while you kiss him.
How can I have a new relationship without making the same mistakes as before?
Be aware of the mistakes you made and vow to not repeat them.
Do I have to have sex with my boyfriend to prove I love him?
No. You should never have sex just to prove to someone that you love them. You should do it because it's right for you, you want to, and you trust each other. If someone is pressuring you to have sex or telling you it's how to prove your love, they are wrong and they are trying to manipulate you. Don't do it.
My boyfriend is super nice and respectful until he is around his friends. What can I do?
Some boys/guys don't feel comfortable showing affection to girls around their friends because they are afraid of being teased. If you are very young, this is kind of understandable, though not very nice. If he hurts your feelings, try talking to him about it (when you're alone) and explaining how you feel. If you're an adult, your boyfriend is being pretty immature and you should definitely tell him this is unacceptable.
How can I prove to my boyfriend that he is the only one?
Tell him simply that. When you are around some of your friends, pay attention to him. If he still doesn't get it, give him a reality check and tell him why he's your only one.
What if my boyfriend thinks he spends more money on me than I on him?
This kind of keeping count of what you do for the other person or how much you spend on them is not healthy. And how much you spend on each other really doesn't matter. It's the thought and care you put into the relationship that counts.
My boyfriends always ignores me and doesn't have time for me. He's always busy with his friend.
He doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend. You should be a priority in his life, and he certainly shouldn't ignore you. Let him know that if he's not interested in putting any effort into this relationship, then there is no point and it's time to end it.
What can I do if he doesn't want me to tell him I love him everyday?
Show him love in other ways, like by doing nice things for him.
How do I make him propose?
You can't make him propose. You can, however, initiate a conversation about where the relationship is headed to make sure you're not wasting your time. Ask him where he sees himself in 5 years or about his feelings on marriage in general.
Tips
Look at him when he's talking to you. It's not fun talking to an inanimate object, or to someone gazing out in space.
Try to get nights/days alone with each other.
Show him that you're willing to put things in your schedule aside for him.
Whisper in his ear and tell him that you really love him and that you'll never replace him for anything in the world. But only say it if you really mean it.
Don't talk about your ex-boyfriend.
Don't bring up the past ways you did something. Instead, do it together in the now.
Never feel ashamed to kiss him.
Don't hide your feeling from him, but let him know how you really feel.
Let him know that you'll always be there, but only if you really will.
Never ask him to buy you presents, because he will think you're only after his money.
Warnings
Make sure that your boyfriend is worthy of your love, and that you are both in the relationship for the right reasons. Showing your love to someone who is not a suitable life partner for you will not make either of you happy long-term.
Jealousy is the root of many break-ups. Don't snoop through your boyfriend's things to see if he's talking to other girls; if he finds out, it'll be hard to repair the relationship.
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Author's page : http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Your-Boyfriend-Love-You-More
How to Make Your Boyfriend Love You More
Three Parts:
Improving Your Communication
Building Love Through Actions
Gaining a Deeper Understanding of Your Boyfriend
Relationships take work from both people, but improving your relationship doesn’t have to be a painful slog of a process. Improving your communication and tweaking your behaviors as a couple can take your love story from sweet to stratospheric.
Part 1
Improving Your Communication
1
Avoid taking your boyfriend for granted. If you’ve been together for a while, it’s common for the two of you to start taking each other for granted. This is one of the most common challenges in relationships, but it doesn’t have to wreck yours.[1]
Try reflecting a few times a week on things you love about your boyfriend. Maybe it’s how he knows exactly when you’ve had a terrible day and brings you pizza and a movie. Maybe it’s how great he is at volleyball. Whatever it is that makes you love him, make an effort to think about these. Occasionally telling your boyfriend what’s so great about him is a good idea, too.
Don’t take this to the other extreme and become over-clingy, though. Constantly examining everything he does to see if he “really” loves you will only make you both anxious and stressed out. If he says he loves you, and his actions generally bear that out (remembering that everyone slips up occasionally), take him at his word.
2
Be an active listener. It can be easy to “tune out” of conversations, especially if you aren’t really into them or you’re distracted with your own stuff. It happens to everyone. Learn to note when you zone out and practice “active listening” instead. Your boyfriend will feel more valued and acknowledged, and you might just learn some things you didn’t know.[2][3]
Restate and clarify what you heard. This step can save you a lot of grief, especially if you’re in an emotional conversation. Rather than assuming you heard correctly, paraphrase what you heard and ask for clarification: “Okay, let’s see if I heard you correctly. I heard you say ____. Is that right?” Then, let your boyfriend explain if you didn’t get something the first time.
Encourage. This shows that you’re into what your boyfriend’s saying. Ask little questions like “And then what happened?” or “What did you do?” You can also nod and use minimal encouragers, like “Uh-huh” or “Oh.”
Summarize. When you’ve had a conversation with a lot of info, summarize the main threads. This shows you were paying attention and offers space for any tweaks or feedback. “Okay, so you’re worried you’re going to have a really stressful day tomorrow at work, so you’d like me to pick you up after and we’ll go to the arcade tomorrow night. Right?”
These techniques are for more than just romantic relationships! They can improve your communication with anyone.
3
Ask questions. This isn’t just “What did you do today?” or “What do you want to eat?” Asking probing, meaningful questions can enrich the conversations the two of you have. It helps encourage each other to share your feelings and thoughts. Studies have even shown that asking deep questions leads to improved intimacy and feeling like you’re in love.[4]
For example, if your boyfriend is talking about a problem with one of his classes, try asking a probing question, such as “What do you think would happen if you tried ____?”
4
Avoid blaming. Questions and statements that focus on “you” messages and “whys” can cause problems.[5] These sound blaming and make the other person shut down or respond defensively.[6]
For example, it’s not a good idea to ask a question like “Why do you always forget to pick me up from school".this just makes you sound blaming and angry and not at all attractive
Instead, use “I”-statements. You can ask questions that request legitimate information, too. For example: “I noticed you weren't there to pick me up as we had decided earlier " This doesn’t sound accusatory (as long as you keep away from sarcasm!), but it does communicate your feelings and gives your boyfriend a space to share his.
5
Avoid preaching. Preaching is best left to professionals in pulpits. It’s tempting to give others advice, especially when you’re in a relationship. If someone has asked for your advice, then offer it. Otherwise, it can come across as patronizing, preachy, or like you don’t trust the other person enough to make his own decisions.[7]
Sometimes, when people ask for advice, what they’re really looking for is someone who will listen to them vent with a sympathetic ear. If you think this is happening with your boyfriend, ask: “Do you just need someone to listen, or do you want me to Try to find a fix for this?”[8]
Stay away from the “shoulds.” Nobody likes to be told “You should do this” or “You ought to do this.” It can make them feel stupid or like you’re being condescending. Instead, try something like “What about ___?” or “Have you tried ___?”
6
Give up being right. This one is really hard. We’re all motivated by the desire to be “right” at least sometimes. In most situations, though, there really isn’t a clear “right” or “wrong.” Don’t approach a conversation with your boyfriend like it’s a battle.[9][10]
This doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to your emotions and thoughts. You do. How you feel is how you feel. Just remember that your boyfriend also has a right to his emotions and thoughts. There is no “right” or “wrong” with feelings. They just are. What you both control is your own responses to feelings.[11]
For example, imagine that your boyfriend comes to you and says you embarrassed him in front of his friends earlier. You may feel like that’s totally unfair, but take the time to acknowledge his feelings: “I’m sorry I embarrassed you.” Then you can explain your side: “I didn’t realize that would embarrass you. I’ll try not to do that again.”
If you start off from a place of defensiveness, the other person probably won’t hear anything past that. If you start off by acknowledging the other person’s feelings first, and then explaining when it’s appropriate, the other person will feel validated and s/he’s more likely to accept that you didn’t mean to offend.
Not insisting on being “right” doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. If you feel strongly that something is important, talk about it. Just remember to also listen to the other person’s perspective. It may be that a compromise is the best solution.
7
Talk about the embarrassing stuff. If you don’t share the intimate, sometimes embarrassing thoughts, needs, and feelings you have with each other, your relationship can suffer.[12] Studies show that people who don’t openly communicate their feelings and needs with others don’t feel as emotionally secure or generally happy as those who do.[13] Studies have also shown that couples who don’t communicate openly and directly with each other are more likely to feel uncertain about their relationships.[14]
Try not to dismiss your needs, or your boyfriend’s, as “stupid” or “immature.” Dismissal kills trust. Both of you need to feel like the other person is a safe person to share even the scariest stuff with.
Don’t hide or conceal your feelings in an effort to “be strong.” Suppressing or concealing your feelings can lead to resentment and cause serious damage to your relationship.[15]
When your boyfriend is sharing with you, demonstrate that you’re listening and empathizing by saying things like “I appreciate your willingness to share this with me” or “I hear you saying that you feel afraid because ___”. These open and accepting types of remarks will encourage him to see you as someone he can trust.[16]
8
Keep passive-aggressiveness out of your life. Passive-aggressive behavior is the opposite of clear, open communication, and it can kill a relationship in no time. It’s usually motivated by anger or hurt. It may be tempting to “punish” your boyfriend if he’s upset or hurt you, but it’s much healthier (and more effective) to just talk it out. There are many ways to be passive-aggressive in a relationship, but here are a few to watch out for:[17][18]
“Forgetting” to do something. One common way people show passive-aggression in relationships is to “forget” to do something they don’t want to do. You might “forget” to buy tickets to that movie you really don’t want to go see. He might “forget” your anniversary if you upset him. This kind of behavior hurts both of you.
Saying things you don’t mean. Sarcasm is a quick way to hurt other people. Sometimes, people engage in passive-aggressive language to indirectly communicate that they are displeased or upset. For example, if your boyfriend forgot that you had a date together Friday night and bought tickets to a hockey game instead, a passive-aggressive response might look like this: “No, why would I be upset? I love it when you forget things that are important to me. You should definitely go that hockey game.” Instead of communicating your feelings with respect and clarity, this type of language provokes defensiveness and even confusion (some people are just not great at picking up on sarcasm).
Giving the “silent treatment.” If you feel upset or hurt, you may ignore or pretend not to hear your boyfriend. This type of behavior is damaging because it can kill genuine efforts to open a conversation, and may eventually discourage conversation altogether. If you need time to cool off -- which is totally healthy and natural -- be open about it: “I am too upset to talk about this right now. Please give me an hour, and then we’ll talk.”
9
Watch your body language. We communicate more with our non-verbal communication -- our body language and gestures -- than we do with what we say. Keep an eye on your body language. It may be sending messages you didn’t mean.[19]
Keep your arms uncrossed and loose. Folding your arms across your chest makes you look defensive or closed off.
Make eye contact. Not making eye contact can tell the other person that you’re not interested or listening to what he’s saying. Try to make eye contact at least 50% of the time while speaking, and 70% of the time while listening.[20]
Avoid pointing. This can feel accusatory or intimidating. Try gesturing with an open palm instead.
Keep your body turned toward the other person when you’re interacted. Facing away or to the side of the other person indicates that you’re not engaged with what’s going on.
Part 2
Building Love Through Actions
1
Ditch the tech. We live in a super-connected world, but ironically, this can actually cause you and your boyfriend to feel more distant from each other. You aren’t really communicating if you’re both on your phones or computers all the time. Commit to having some time for just the two of you: no phones, no computers, no video games.[21]
It’s really easy to pick up your phone without even realizing you’ve done it. If this is a problem for you, try putting your phone somewhere else, like a box by the door, when it’s your “no-tech time together.”
If you don’t live together, try talking on the phone or over Skype in addition to texting. A lot of communication involves non-verbal cues, like tone of voice, gestures, and facial expression. All of this is lost in texts.[22] Try to chat for a least a few minutes as close to “in-person” as you can each day. This will help build a connection and make him want to continue that intimacy that you showed with him in the beginning.
2
Adjust your routines. Remember when you first started dating, how every date was something new? And you were so excited to see each other that you could barely wait until date night? If you’ve fallen into a “rut” in your relationship, varying up your routines together can make both of you feel more excited to spend time together.[23]
Try something new. Trying new things together, whether it’s a new restaurant or a new hobby, will help you bond over the experience. It will also expand your “toolbox” of fun stuff to enjoy together.
Switch up your current routines. For example, if you love movie nights, see what you can do to make them more fun. See if an old theater is playing your favorite movie on the big screen. Check out “screenings under the stars” in the summer. Go to a dinner theater or a sing-a-long movie. Make a themed dinner for your next movie night (“Goodfellas” and spaghetti, anyone?).
3
Find things you both love to do. These don’t have to be huge. Even if it’s just working on homework at a coffee shop together, spending quality time together can help you feel more connected.
4
Make sure your boyfriend has time to himself. Relationships work best when both people maintain some separate interests and spend time on their own or with their own friends.[24] Both of you need to have an identity that doesn’t revolve around the other person. No one likes to be constantly watched or hovered over.
This shows him that you trust him. If you let him know he's earned your trust, he's actually less likely to throw that trust away. If you don't trust him to be responsible on his own, he could be more likely to betray that trust just because he resents not being trusted.[25]
No matter how much you love each other, no one person can meet every single need the other person has. Spending time with other friends and having outside interests helps both of you stay happy, healthy, well-rounded people. It also makes the time you spend together extra-special.
5
Personalize your gifts and outings. Especially if your boyfriend enjoys getting gifts or surprises, making them really personal shows that you know him better than anyone else and you really pay attention to his needs and preferences. Think about the things your boyfriend would love to do/get, and use that as a guide.
Does your boyfriend like sports? Is he an adrenaline junky? Get the two of you a pair of tickets to a local football, basketball, or soccer game. Take him to an amusement park and ride as many roller coasters as you can in three hours.
Is your boyfriend the hopeless romantic type? In touch with his sensitive side? Get him an old Philip Larkin or John Keats book of poetry and inscribe something on the cover: "With all my heart — the love that flows through these words is meant just for you."
Is your boyfriend the outdoorsy type? Take him on a camping trip and snuggle up with him in his sleeping bag. Or maybe take him whale watching or bird-calling in your local Audubon Society.
6
Leave a thoughtful short note in his lunch kit or shirt pocket. If your boyfriend enjoys words of affirmation (remember those love languages?), try leaving him a little note. Whether it’s straightforward, humorous, or even outright wacky, these little reminders can show you care.[26]
Gauge your note to what makes your boyfriend feel most comfortable. If he’s a little squeamish about gushy feelings, write him a playfully funny note. If he loves sincere expressions of feeling, tell him how much he means to you.
Humans quickly get used to even positive things in their lives. This is called “hedonic adaptation.” Make sure you don’t leave so many notes that they stop being meaningful. Too much of a good thing really is still too much.[27]
7
Show your affection. Displays of affection are especially important if your boyfriend values “Physical Touch” as a love language. Don’t do anything that embarrasses him, but let him know you think he’s adorable.
Check out what your boyfriend likes. He may love it when you nibble on his neck, or he may hate it. Knowing what makes him feel loved and what turns him on will help you display your affection in healthy ways.
Dressing in “sexy” clothes for your boyfriend can add a little spice to your relationship. Find out if he has a fantasy or something he finds hot and do something special every now and then. He will be more than happy to return the favor.
Remember that there are other ways to show physical affection than sex. Try holding hands, hugging, kissing, and cuddling, too. It’s good to have a variety of ways to show your affection for each other.
Don’t take it personally if your boyfriend isn’t into the same physical displays of affection that you are. People are different.[28]
8
Hang with his friends sometimes. It’s important for the two of you to have separate interests and your own friends, but it can also strengthen your relationship to spend time with each other’s friends, too.[29]
A common problem in new relationships is that you start spending more time with your new boyfriend and less time with your friends. This can cause your friends to feel neglected, and it can also put strain on your relationship. Integrate your boyfriend into your social circle by inviting him out once in a while. Go out with his friends once in a while, too.
9
Make a date and go somewhere you can talk and relax. Have a quiet dinner, for example, and let your boyfriend know how much he means to you. Let him share some of his opinions and his feelings. Really listen to what he has to say, but offer comments to make the conversation flow. Clear some things up if you need to.
Go on dates that you think he would appreciate. Think of activities where you both can be close together such as: a boat ride, a nature hike, a trip to the zoo, a train trip, a day trip to a nearby town, etc.
10
Play hooky together. Take a day off. Do something totally unexpected, like making music together and recording it. Take advantage of your new found freedom, even if it's just a day, and live like you've got one day to love.[30]
Making memories together will give you something to reminisce about later. Research shows that remembering fun experiences you had together later will help you feel more bonded to each other.[31]
Part 3
Gaining a Deeper Understanding of Your Boyfriend
1
Learn about how you both give and receive love. According to psychologist Gary Chapman, people have “love languages” that they use to show love themselves and interpret demonstrations of love from other people. Knowing each other’s love languages allows you to show your love in the way that the other person will most strongly connect with. If you and your boyfriend have different love languages and don’t know it, it can cause a lot of stress. [32]
The five love languages, according to Chapman, are “Words of Affirmation,” “Acts of Service,” “Receiving Gifts,” “Quality Time,” and “Physical Touch.”[33]
“Words of Affirmation” are things like compliments, encouragement, or “check-ins” about your feelings.
“Acts of Service” are things like doing chores or everyday stuff that the other person may not enjoy doing.
“Receiving Gifts” are things like gifts or visible symbols of love, like flowers.
“Quality Time” is time with your partner without interruptions or distractions.
“Physical Touch” can be any demonstration of physical affection, including hugging, kissing, or sex.
The key to these languages is sharing them with each other. That way, if your boyfriend prefers “Physical Touch” to “Receiving Gifts,” you’ll know how to show him you love him in a way he connects with. Similarly, if your boyfriend knows “Receiving Gifts” is your top language, he won’t be confused when you don’t naturally see his taking out the trash regularly as a sign of love.
It’s also important to keep these in mind so that you can be on the lookout for love signals that you might not otherwise pick up on.
2
Find a balance between intimacy, commitment and passion. These three components make up Robert Sternberg's theory of love. Although psychologists have varying opinions, in general, romantic “love” is the drive you feel toward feeling intimacy and commitment with a particular person. Passion, or lust, is sexual desire, which may or may not be limited to one person. In relationships, lust is often the instigating feeling: when you find someone hot, you become interested in pursuing him/her. Love requires time to develop and thrive.[34]
In relationships, it’s natural for both of these feelings to have ups and downs. In the beginning of a relationship -- often called the “honeymoon phase” -- it’s very common for lust to be at a peak: both of you can’t keep your hands off each other and you’re obsessed with how sexy the other person is.[35] This is great, but it’s also natural for this phase to fade as you spend more time together and get to know each other more deeply.[36]
After the initial burst of lust fades, you may find that you’ve been idealizing your boyfriend thanks to chemicals in your brain going a little crazy.[37] When that pedestal comes crashing down, you’ll start noticing things that annoy you, like how he flosses in front of you or checks out his groceries at the store differently than you do. This is normal. It’s where the “love” comes in. Love gives you the patience to ignore the little annoyances because you really dig this guy.
This doesn’t mean lust has to disappear once you’ve been dating a few months. Take some time to explore what turns both of you on. Communicate your sexual needs to each other. Spice up your routines. Have fun with each other!
3
Recognize that people have different communication styles. “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” is a common truism, but the truth is actually more complicated. Even people of the same gender can have very different communication styles. Whether you’re gay or straight, if it feels like you and your boyfriend are sometimes speaking different languages, it could be because your communication styles aren’t the same. There’s nothing inherently “better” about one way or the other, but it’s helpful to understand how both of you communicate.[38][39]
Some people are affiliative communicators. Affiliative communicators enjoy asking others for feedback. They tend to prefer collaboration, and may see challenges or disagreement as signs of aggression or hostility. If you prefer to listen to all sides, avoid conflict, approach issues collaboratively, and speak up less rarely, you may be an affiliative communicator.
Some people are competitive communicators. Competitive communicators tend to be direct, assertive, and okay with presenting challenges. They like to gather information and make their own decisions. They often prefer to be in charge. If you speak your mind readily, feel comfortable with conflict, and prefer to make decisions on your own, you may be a competitive communicator.
People can also vary in terms of their directness. Some people are comfortable with direct communication, such as “I want to spend more time together.” Others are more comfortable with indirect communication, such as “It’s fun when we spend time together. It’s too bad we don’t do it more.” Either form can be appropriate, depending on the situation. The important thing is to listen to each other and clarify when you don’t understand.
Having different communication styles doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It just means you need to know what differences can cause tension between you, and both of you need to commit to flexibility and compromise.
Community Q&A
How can I overcome a difference in religions between the man I love and myself?
Respect his religion and ask him to respect yours. If he doesn't, then he's not the one for you.
What if he acts like he does not like you on the outside, but really, he loves you on the inside?
How do you know he truly loves you if he hasn't shown it? If you are sure about his feelings, ask him directly why he has been acting like that. Just choose the right time - for example, when he is mischievous - and the right words to make it sound like a romantic question.
Does my boyfriend love me if he doesn't get me any gifts, but he always pays when we go out?
Your boyfriend still loves you deeply, he just expresses it a different way from what you expect. Buying gifts isn't essential and isn't everyone's way.
What cute things can I do to show that I love him?
Remember the nice/positive things that he said before; this will show him that you really do listen. Also, remember to comfort him if he has a bad day, and to send him good morning/good night texts. Taking him to things you know he really likes would also be a great idea.
My boyfriend's female friends annoy me. What can I do?
Be honest and tell your boyfriend about your feelings. See what he says. If he takes it poorly, that could be a bad sign but it is better to be honest.
How do I make my boyfriend stop flirting with other girls?
Politely tell him how you feel. If he respects you he will stop.
What do I do if he asks for sex and I am not ready?
Explain to him that even though you love him a lot, you don't feel ready for sex. If he loves you, he will respect that and won't try to pressure you. If he does try to pressure you, you need to break up with him, because that means he is not the right guy for you. The right guy will respect your decision and understand that a loving relationship with you is more important than sex.
What do I do if he likes another girl and I am moving away?
If he likes another girl, it would make kind sense to break up with him. Your going away will only make him grow closer to this other girl and the lies will be awful.
What will he think if I kiss him?
He would love it. Keep in mind that you are his passion and his love.
What if he's asking for something I'm unable to do, but if I don't do it I feel guilty?
Explain to him that, even though you would have done what he wanted you to, you weren't able to do it. Be sincere. Lying is never good in a relationship.
Tips
Look at yourself and your own actions. We can only change ourselves, not others.
Work on your self-esteem and confidence. We can only be fully available to others if we are happy with ourselves.
Show that you trust and love him with your actions. Make your actions match what you say.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say. No one is a mind reader.
Try to sort out disputes as quickly as possible to avoid long-term resentment creeping in. Remember not to make a big deal of little issues.
Be yourself around him.
Tell him "I love you" every once in a while.
Let him know you always got his back
Don't get mad and chase him down if he is hanging out with people you don't like.
Sources and Citations
1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201401/the-9-most-common-relationship-mistakes
2 http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/improving-your-relationship-cheat-sheet.html
3 http://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening/
4 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
5 http://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening/
6 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-you/201312/how-do-i-improve-my-relationship-three-helpful-tips
7 http://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening/
8 http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-advise-wisely-how-to-give-advice-that-actually-helps/
9 http://www.psychalive.org/communication-between-couples/
10 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/04/14/9-steps-to-better-communication-today/2/
11 http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/Assertmodule%202.pdf
12 http://www.psychalive.org/communication-between-couples/
13 http://socialwork.buffalo.edu/content/dam/socialwork/home/self-care-kit/exercises/assertiveness-and-nonassertiveness.pdf
14 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1468-2958.2006.00284.x/abstract
15 http://spl.stanford.edu/pdfs/2003/Richards.pdf
16 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-you/201312/how-do-i-improve-my-relationship-three-helpful-tips
17 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201401/the-9-most-common-relationship-mistakes
18 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201305/confronting-passive-aggressive-behavior
19 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/04/14/9-steps-to-better-communication-today/
20 http://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes
21 http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/7-relationship-problems-how-solve-them
22 http://techland.time.com/2012/08/16/we-never-talk-anymore-the-problem-with-text-messaging/
23 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/relationship-help.htm
24 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/relationship-help.htm
25 http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/s15327795jra0903_1
26 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/04/14/9-steps-to-better-communication-today/
27 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201208/how-keep-happiness-fading
28 https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=FzLROfHGAVYC&oi=fnd&pg=PT287&dq=non+verbal+affection+in+romantic+relationships&ots=uYiASEKrrJ&sig=0QJrY4ziKz10vlVxmDCCNgWmgCA#v=onepage&q=non%20verbal%20affection%20in%20romantic%20relationships&f=false
29 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-much-time-should-couples-spend-together
30 http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-advise-wisely-how-to-give-advice-that-actually-helps/
31 http://time.com/3404749/10-ways-improve-your-relationship/
32 http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
33 http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-five-love-languages-tested
34 http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.479.3760&rep=rep1&type=pdf
35 http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-physiological-changes-can-explain-honeymoon-phase-relationship/
36 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201409/making-relationships-last-past-the-honeymoon-period
37 http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-physiological-changes-can-explain-honeymoon-phase-relationship/
38 https://www.natcom.org/CommCurrentsArticle.aspx?id=749
39 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201104/are-we-talking-the-same-language-how-communication-styles-can-affect
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Author's page : http://www.wikihow.com/Love-Your-Girlfriend
How to Love Your Girlfriend
Three Methods:
Expressing Yourself
Making a Deep Connection
Communicating Body Language
This will teach you how to love your girlfriend by expressing yourself, making a deeper connection, and by communicating body language.
Key Points
Express yourself by: writing notes or letters and putting your feelings into words. Make her feel important and listen to her.
Make a deeper connection by: sharing inside jokes, interests, and hobbies. Laugh with her, give her cute nicknames, and take her out.
Communicate body language by: greeting her with a smile and extending physical contact. Hold her in your arms, look deep into her eyes, and give her a soft kiss.
Method 1
Expressing Yourself
1
Show gratitude. You experience many benefits from gratitude, like bettering your physical and mental health. But you might not know that gratitude also reduces aggression and strengthens empathy.[1] Your partner will likely interpret as an expression of love.
2
Respond, even when you don't reciprocate. Men have a tendency to keep thoughts to themselves and to build relationships while working on tasks, which can be interpreted as coldness. Even if you don't agree with what is being said, acknowledge it and respond appropriately.
3
Write a note or letter. A text, phone call, or email might be the easiest way of getting in touch with your girlfriend, but taking the time to pen a letter yourself and either mail it or deliver it shows your girlfriend she's worth the time to do something nice.[2]
4
Put your feelings into words. Use your own words to come up with a unique message that conveys just how much you love your girlfriend. Vocalizing your feelings can help you manage and enrich those feelings.[3] Try starting with:
"It's hard for me to say sometimes because I feel it so strongly, but I love you more than anything."
"There is nothing better than having you in my arms."
"Whenever I see you, I..."
5
Always call her back, even if it's just to say I love you. Negative surprises have a measurable effect on satisfaction. Prevent negative surprises for your girlfriend to maintain a higher level of satisfaction.[4]
Conversely, positive surprises will give your girlfriend a higher sense of satisfaction.
6
Be emotionally respectful during arguments. If your girlfriend articulates a need to continue a conversation even if it is unpleasant for you, take note of her emotional need. In the event that you are unable to calmly carry out the conversation, voice your own feelings while acknowledging her own.[5]
7
Tell her how much you love her. It can be easy to take for granted something you know absolutely to be true, like your love for your girlfriend. Reawaken yourself to this truth by reminding her frequently.[6]
Look her in the eyes, or wait for an unexpected moment, like when the lights dim before a movie plays in the theater, and whisper, "I love you."
8
Ask what she enjoys and what you can do to make her happier. The very act of asking this question to your girlfriend will signal to her that her happiness is important to you. Showing you care for her emotional well-being is a powerful indicator of love.[7] You might ask:
"What are your guilty pleasures?" This can be useful down the road when she's unhappy or when you want to give her a small surprise.
"If you could ... in the world, what would you...?" This pattern is great for making future plans. You can kill an afternoon talking about exotic places or things you've always wanted to eat, then use this later when planning a trip or gift.
9
Make her feel important. Talk to her and sincerely ask her how she feels. Women frequently communicate by sharing personal details and feelings of vulnerability.[8] Respond in kind to communicate your own feelings more clearly to her.
Remove, "What's up?" from your vocabulary. Ask direct questions, "How was your morning? What did you have for lunch? Was it good?" Respond to her answer with your own opinions and observations.
10
Listen to her and try your best to comfort her when upset. Even if you don't know what to tell her, a hug or a shoulder to cry on can be enough. Though being around an emotional person can be difficult, by staying with your girlfriend through the ordeal, you demonstrate your dependability. It's important to let her know that:
"Everything's going to be OK."
"Sometimes I feel the same way."
"I'm here for you."
11
Do not compare her with your ex-girlfriend. Comparisons are a natural part of human communication, but by comparing your girlfriend to your ex you may accidentally make her feel like she's in competition with a previous girlfriend.
Research has shown that closeness and affection in a relationship are influenced when you make comparisons to a prior partner.[9]
Method 2
Making a Deep Connection
1
Share inside jokes. Bonding is important in any relationship, and the stronger your bond, the stronger your long-term relationship.[10] Sharing an inside joke is a way to revisit times enjoyed in the past, which will remind your girlfriend the good experiences you have shared.
2
Appreciate her with random acts of kindness. Wash the hoodie she left at your house, buy nail polish in her favorite color, or bring her a favorite flower. Random acts of kindness will make her feel great, and have the added bonus of enhancing your own happiness.[11]
3
Offer to help when she is struggling. Even something as simple as offering your hand while she empties a rock out of her shoe will indicate that you love her enough to help with any problem, big or small.
4
Give her your sweatshirt and cuddle with her. Your sense of smell is linked very closely to memory.[12] Giving your girlfriend an article of clothing with your scent will keep her thinking of you even while you're away.
5
Limit distractions. Checking your phone every five or ten minutes during a date can leave your girlfriend feeling not only unimportant, but also frustrated.[13] If you've planned a special day with her, set a firm boundary limiting distractions beforehand. Some effective boundaries are:
Promising yourself you will not use your phone unless there is an emergency situation.
Letting your friends know ahead of time that you have special one-on-one time planned with your significant other.
6
Share interests and hobbies together. This is also an important part of bonding and can promote a healthy relationship.[14] Listen together to her favorite music, play a team sport like tennis, or take up something entirely new.
Do not sacrifice your own happiness for that of your girlfriend. This can lead to resentment, and do more harm than good. In the event you don't hold the same interest, encourage your girlfriend to pursue it while finding a suitable activity to engage yourself.
7
Practice active listening. A common complaint in relationships is a lack of communication. While conversing, attempt to maintain eye contact, give feedback through body language (nods, smiles, expressions), and provide feedback that summarizes what she has said in your own words.[15]
Active listening can be especially difficult for men, as it is at odds with typical male communication strategies.[16] If you would like to learn more about active listening, why not look into how to Actively Listen?
8
Buy her something personal. Or, better yet, make her something! The investment of your time for her sake is a clear sign that you care. These intimate gifts often carry great emotional value and can turn into valued mementos later in your relationship.
9
Laugh with her, not at her. Even if her quirks amuse you, be sensitive enough to recognize areas she is self-conscious. Take time to explain your perspective, and gently inquire about the root of the problem.
Respect her boundaries at all times, but by regarding the thing she is self-conscious about with tact, you will convey that it is important to you.
10
Give her cute nicknames. Pet names are a social cue in a relationship; your terms of endearment can boost your relationship satisfaction.[17] Keep her opinions in mind as you explore nicknames.
Choosing a nickname that upsets her will only do damage, especially if you follow the offending name up with laughter.
11
Accept her as she is, don't try to change her. Change is something that comes from within, and no matter how hard you might try, you cannot force your girlfriend to change if she isn't ready. If there is a particular issue that bothers you, work together to find an mutually acceptable resolution.
12
Take her out. You don't have to go to an expensive movie or a picnic, but a change of pace and scenery will allow for new experiences you can share together.[18][19] Sometimes going to the place you first met can be romantic, or a walk around the park might give you time you need to truly appreciate each other.
Method 3
Communicating Body Language
1
Always greet her with a smile. Smiling is actually contagious, and when she catches your smile she'll know how excited you are to be with her.[20] Some research even indicates that smiling makes you more attractive.[21]
2
Allow your physical contact to linger. Don't break off your hug like you can't stand to get away! Allow your embraces to last longer than ordinary. Rest her head in the crook of your neck.
Physical contact with other people releases oxytocin, also called the love hormone, into the blood.[22] Longer touches translate to more oxytocin, drawing the two of you closer together.
3
Hold her hand. Hand holding is proven to reduce stress, so why not put your girlfriend at ease and take her hand?[23]
Use soft touches to relay a sense of happiness and generosity. Firm or hard touches can make her feel like you are being selfish or aggressive.[24]
4
Notice and practice comforting touches. Many people have a certain touch or caress that has a calming effect. Look for these in your girlfriend, and use them to say, "I love you," without a word.
5
Randomly give her a peck. You don't have to aim for the lips! The forehead, nose, and cheek are excellent landing zones for a quick kiss.
6
Look her deep in her eyes. Eye contact is one of the most universal ways of communication.[25] Taking a moment to look deeply into her eyes can remind you both just how much you love each other.[26]
7
Gather her up in your arms and kiss the top of her head. When in a rush, you may opt for the half-hug or a quick embrace with two pats to the back, but a safe, encompassing, heart-to-heart hug will make her feel like she's the only one in your life.
Tips
Make extra effort to share your feelings. Remember that men and women communicate differently, and even if you struggle with her communication style, it's important to communicate in a way she can understand.
Warnings
Don't compare her to your past relationships.
Don't be dishonest, even if it's for her sake. Being respectfully honest will benefit you both in the long run.
Don't let your affection become routine.
Sources and Citations
1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude
2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201304/10-ways-express-love
3 https://paidtoexist.com/three-ways-to-deal-with-emotions/
4 http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0278431909001303
5 http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm
6 http://thoughtcatalog.com/jerrica-peterson/2013/12/enjoy-every-moment-its-time-to-stop-taking-things-for-granted/
7 http://tinybuddha.com/blog/50-ways-to-show-you-care-without-spending-a-dime/
8 http://scholarship.claremont.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1521&context=cmc_theses
9 http://gradworks.umi.com/35/74/3574485.html
10 http://www.stayhitched.com/bonding.htm
11 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/priya-advani/random-acts-of-kindness_b_3412718.html
12 http://www.fifthsense.org.uk/what_is_smell/psychology/
13 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201307/smartphone-addiction
14 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/200911/10-habits-happy-couples
15 http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
16 https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/Content.do?contentId=10241
17 http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/why-do-we-use-pet-names-in-relationships/
18 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lizzie-vance/why-a-change-of-scenery-i_b_3839373.html
19 http://blog.highperformancelifestyle.net/boost-your-energy/
20 http://inspiyr.com/9-benefits-of-smiling/
21 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ejsp.2420200307/abstract
22 http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795.php
23 http://www.more.com/relationships/dating-sex-love/health-benefits-holding-hands
24 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/7852010/Physical-touch-affects-emotional-mood.html
25 http://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_an_introduction_to_its_role_in_communication
26 http://hellobeautiful.com/2011/08/04/5-reasons-why-eye-contact-is-important/
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